Category: Uncategorized

I heard some very good advice from a random person on the Internet this morning, are you ready……

You cannot make people love you by giving them more of what they already don’t appreciate.

Over the years I have heard the rhetoric about emotionally unavailable men. For a while, I bought in to it, but no more. I have always said that men go after what they want. If a man is not going after you, he doesn’t want you. If a man is playing the hot and cold game, he doesn’t want you. Just remove yourself from the equation. It is easier said than done, but it is necessary for your own emotional health.

Bottomline – there is no such thing as an emotionally unavailable man, he is just not allowing his emotions to connect with you. I promise you…. when he runs across a woman who he feels is worthy of his emotions, he will release them to her.

It doesn’t feel good to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. What is even worse is to waste time and precious emotions over someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You are a magnificent wonder, worthy of the love that you yourself has to offer. Be patient, love yourself, take care of yourself, love will come, until then embrace the peace that comes with letting go of the chaos and uncertainty that comes from someone who can’t love you and cherish you the way that you need and deserve.

Rollercoasters are fun, but they belong in amusement parks, not in relationships. One of the most frustrating things is to be connected with someone who is constantly jerking you around. They want you, they don’t want you. They miss you, then you don’t hear from them for extended periods of time. They tell you that you are not quite what they are wanting, but then talk to you about your future together. As hard as it may be, you have to let it go. That person doesn’t respect you. You may never know they reason behind why they are keeping you on their hook, but it is your responsibility to yourself to take yourself off the hook.

Here are a few items that may help you determine if you are being strung along or played:

1. You feel like you are along for the ride.
2. Your insecurities are their go-to jokes
3. Your insecurities are used to drive a wedge or create an argument
4. They go MIA for long periods of time, or at odd times
5. They don’t respect your boundaries
6. They avoid meaningful conversations
7. They say, ” I don’t know what I want”, but they still want to be with you…say good bye. Don’t hang around and allow this person to fish around to see what else is out there while they hold onto your heart
8. They don’t do romantic gestures. They don’t or haven’t done anything to invest in your relationship or to show you that they care. Not talking about thousands of dollars here, an inexpensive trinket says so much.
9. Disappears on the weekends, calls Monday through Thursday.
10. They run hot and cold. One minute they are all about you, the next minute they are talking about lusting over hula dancers and their coconut costumes.
11. You are always made to feel guilty
12. Double standards. You are expected to do things but it becomes and issues if you require the same thing of them.
13. Tend to be vague about their activity.
14. Tends to be cruel and demeaning in their comments.

If you have your mother on this Earth still, celebrate her and love on her. One day your hands will not be filled with candies and gifts for your mother, but rather with only a handful of flowers like the ones in the picture below.

This is the 4th Mother’s Day without my mom. This year her physical absence struck me unlike the years before. The first year I was numb. The second and third year, I just kind of went through the weekend. This year, I felt the sorrow as soon as I started seeing the Mother’s Day ads in April. Today has been tough, I miss her. I loved to buy my mom things, but I loved to give her flowers too when she was here and now…. that is all that I can give her so I still do. I spent some time at her gravesite this morning and these are the flowers I left to commemorate her time on Earth and for being my momma.

Happy Mother’s Day Momma! Thank you for giving birth to me, for raising me, for the sleepless nights you had watching over me when I was sick, for everything you did to make me who I am….thank you, I love you. Helen

Getting over a break up has always been a tough one for me. For that reason, I have always been reluctant to allow people into my life. If you are like me once in a blue moon you meet someone special and one day before you know it, they are pasted all over your heart. I have never handled break-ups well, though. There is this great sorrow that soars through my soul and putting one foot in front of the other becomes an arduous daily task, a battle to get out of bed…..hey you – get up!!!!! It is okay to feel what you are feeling, as a matter of fact it is healthy, but remember to keep moving to a better you. How do you do that, consider the following:

1. REMEMBER TO DO SELF-CARE: Dress up, try on a new make-up or hairstyle, change up your work-out routine, start a work out routine, try a new fragrance….feel and look good
2. GIVE YOUR LIVING SPACE A MAKEOVER: Paint an accent wall or change around your furniture, this really does work wonders
3. BUY A NEW PIECE OF CLOTHING: Don’t go over board with this or you may go broke, but buy something new new and different from what you normally wear. Make plans with friends this weekend and wear that thing!!!!
4. UPDATE YOUR BUCKET LIST/VISION BOARD: Include updates on your educational goals, professional goals, places you want to travel to, update your financial goals, fitness goals, spiritual goals, etc.
5. BE PATIENT: Give yourself time to feel what you are feelings, but remember not to get stuck there. Stop trying to figure it out, just feel what you are feeling and get back to the fabulous ideas on this list. Trying to figure out what went wrong is detrimental to your healing. Two people were involved in your relationship and it will take those same two people to really sit down and hash out all the details of why you are not together….as we all know, most times in relationships this does not happen.
6. START READING: Self-help books, the Bible. or even learn a new language! Train your brain, learn, expand your horizons through the reading of words
7. BE GRATEFUL: It is easy to sulk about love being lost, but be grateful for what you do have.
8. DELETE THAT NUMBER: Delete your ex’s number from your phone. This will prevent you from calling, texting, or accidentally calling. You can write it down and tuck it away somewhere, but it does not have to be readily available right there on your phone.
9. MAKE PLANS: Make plans to do fun stuff. Call up a friend or call up a group of friends and make plans to go to dinner, walk in the park, or perhaps do that backyard BBQ, don’t forget the games and music. Make plans for a weekend trip or if you can’t do that, plan for a day trip just to get away.
10. MUSIC: Speaking of music. Play it often and play it loud. Pick a tear jerker country song to help you process your feelings and then kick it over to some classic feel good songs. Sing it out, dance it out….music says the things that we cannot express.
11. START A HOBBY OR RETURN TO DOING THE THINGS YOU ENJOY: You know what you like to do or want to do…..do it!!!!!
12. CLOSURE: Stop obsessing over closure. Real closure is a gift and is seldom given. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you have to live…make it a beautiful life – that is your best closure.
13. DATING: Don’t rush into dating too soon, but don’t close your heart to it either. Be honest with yourself and with the person that you go on the date with. They will appreciate your honesty and you will not have the guilt.
14. FORGIVE: There are soooo many other things that I could add to this list, but I am going to end this with forgiving YOURSELF. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made, for moments that you lost yourself to the other person, for the times your did not hold true to who you are. While you are doing all of that if you are able to forgive your ex, then do it, but don’t feel guilty if you can’t right now. Make forgiving your ex a goal versus demanding it from yourself from a place that can’t even comprehend your healing yet.

I have thoroughly learned the importance of having an enemy. Thank you for every lie that was told and for the lies that you continue to tell. I even thank you for the spirit of division that was cast and for the remnants that are still scattered. Thank you for every person you brought into your web of deception but was made to believe that I was the spider. Thank you for every laugh and giggle projected at my pain. Thank you for doubting the validity of my walk with God. Thank you for every word that you spoke against God’s purpose for me. Without resistance, strength is seldom gained…. and really, I just want to say… thank you.

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

I used to live here for a long time.   I have learned the hard way that you can be completely right about something but also be completely wrong by how you respond to the mess. At the end of the day after the explosion you are left with fingers pointing at you. “Awww, did you see what she did?”, “Did you see how she looked?”, “What’s wrong with her?” , “Ewww, she got problems”. The real problem never gets dealt with when you become a by-product of the problem. It is easier to point at the weeds than to deal with the roots.