Category: Color of My Soul

I have been dealing with a situation for almost nine years. I have worked past it, through it, shrugged it off, been the eagle and went high instead of going down into the gutters of life with this situation. Recently this has escalated and gotten out of hand and this situation was presented to people that I thought would help. I thought they would alleviate the gravity of dealing with someone who has followed me, sabotaged my work and deadlines, someone who stares at me non-stop and constantly takes the opportunity to be in my space whenever she can.

I was told that this person is not a problem, that she is just kind of her own little island, that she is never seen talking or bothering anyone. I sat there, trying to contain my anger as everything that I have went through for the past nine years was invalidated, negated, and tossed to the side….I sat there and listened to me being branded as a liar. As I was leaving today, this stalker crazy person, stood up at her desk. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her staring at me. I looked back at her and she was indeed watching me the whole time, her face had an odd smile on it.

One of the most hurtful things that you can do to a human being is to not consider what they are saying. I know we all have our own perspectives and beliefs, but when someone tells you something that is a concern to them, then you owe it to them to at least listen without negating their concern. You don’t have to believe them, you don’t have to support, they may even be lying….there is a way to get to the bottom of all of that without immediately invalidating their concern.

This happens so often in world. People only believe what they see. They see a person smile and they just assume that there is nothing bad behind it. The devil never jumps out and says that I am the devil. Evil and manipulation is disguised in the things and in the ways that puts people at ease. Until we take the time and develop the depth within ourselves to discern beyond the mask, we will be constantly deceived.

It is easy to tell someone else how they should “walk in a pair of shoes” that they have never tried on themselves-therefore it can never be known what it takes for some to put one foot in front of the other each day and walk…some things are just easier said than done.

I keep hearing that the strong have to bear the infirmities of the weak, but even iron that is left in the fire too long starts to bend.

Last Friday, I stood at the vending machine watching the smokers go out for their mid morning fix of nicotine.  I scoffed at them and thought to myself, there they go to kill themselves.   I made my selection, E7 – gotta get that Kit Kat Bar!  As I took the bar out of the drop slot, I looked at the Snicker bar and thought that I might want that too and then it hit me……….

This revelation hit me soooo hard I wanted to run away immediately.  How can you run away from a truth that is wrapped all around you?

The revelation is that I am an addict. My addiction is not nicotine, sex, heroine, or alcohol….it is food.

I use food the same way that a junkie would use a drug… to escape, to escape whatever I can’t or won’t deal with.  I eat my emotions, happy, sad, disappointed, anger, frustration, worry…..

I weighed myself on Saturday night and in disbelief I just stood there thinking about how I could have gotten to this point.

It ends here.

Being overweight is the most visible sign of not being in control of an area of your life.  I have taken that control back!  Food is not a comfort, it is not my friend, it does not end heartache….food is not a band-aid for life.  Food is nutrition for your body and you have to be selective about what you eat.

Since Saturday I have lost almost seven pounds and I am so excited to keep this going.  I am ready to shed this heavy garment and start to look and feel sexy again….yes I said sexy!

Before I sign off here, let me ask you this…. Do you struggle with your weight?  If so, what are you eating?  Guilt, anger, hurt, frustration, loss…..

Step 1:  The next time you snack on something ask yourself if you are hungry or self-soothing with food.

This is a journey, a process – so this blog is not going to end here….there is more to come on the way back to a healthier you.

-7lbs and counting

There is a guy that works in the office who some people don’t enjoy talking to.  They call him the “cloud”, because he seems to be a little gloomy here and there.  I enjoy talking with him.  I understand where he is coming from on a lot of different things and we enjoy a similar humor.  The other day I asked him how things were going and he said, “Well, some days are meant to be endured”.   I gasped with delight.  How true is that?  We are not always going to have rock star days and that is perfectly normal.  There will be tough days, but do your best to get through them and if you can, take a little bit of a lesson from each of those days to help make you better.

I told him that I was going to borrow that thought for the rest of my life…..some days are meant to be endured and I will do just that.  I think I am gon run on to see what the end is going to be.

Peace –

It seems as though society has mastered the art of saying goodbye.  We can go for years without seeing someone, we can be in their neighborhoods and drive right by their homes without even a visit or phone call, holidays go by and not a card or gift……but as soon as someone becomes deceased here comes the gathering  of people.   I don’t need spectators to my pain.   I guess I am a little funny in my thoughts but if you have not been an active part in helping me to live, don’t you dare come and watch me die.

 

 

I used to think that being excluded from something was about me, but I have learned that is not always the case.  Sometimes being excluded from something is more about the person who excluded you and what frame of mind or heart they are in.  Unless you think that you seriously need to make some changes, don’t waste your time in wondering why someone did not want you to be part of something.  Just move on and never forsake the rhythm of your heart to dance to someone else’s music.

If a neighbor calls you for a ride home from work at 11pm do you tell them that you are sleeping and you will pick them up in the morning or do you get up and help them to get home to rest as you were resting?  Even if you do give them a ride home in the morning after you have had your full night’s sleep, you are helping, but which is the greater help, which is the true heart of serving others?

You have never truly served, given, or helped until you have done so while being inconvenienced.  Helping others on your own terms, is just doing what you want to do to make yourself look or feel good…..you are not doing what is needed, when it is needed to put others in a better place.

Balance service, sacrifice and self-care……..

If you wrecked a car, you would fixed it.  If you did some damage to a wall you would patch it up.  If you spilled something on the floor you would make the floor dry and safe again.  When it comes to people, we just plow through their lives, through their hearts and we just stand there and judge the damage….wow she/he got fat, oh my that person is so defensive….but you never stop and think about how you contributed to the damage of that person.

We leave footprints in the lives of others, make sure that they are good ones. Especially in the lives of those people who trust you to be in their lives.

I don’t have to like you as a person, but I do want to see you walking strong.